What parts of the Bible, if any, are inappropriate to read to children? Why?

[3] And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of Heaven, and the God of the Earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:

Jesus’ Feet Smooching in Lk 7:44.

[2] And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my THIGH:

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[8] And I will SELL your sons and your DAUGHTERS into the hand of the children of Judah, and they shall SELL them to the Sabeans, to a people far off: for the LORD hath spoken it.

Gen 24:2–3 on “primitive” gesture of touching a loin (under a thigh) for a vow.

[14] I will NOT punish your DAUGHTERS when they commit whoredom, nor your SPOUSES when they commit adultery: for themselves are separated with whores, and they sacrifice with harlots: therefore the people that doth not understand shall fall.

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[44] And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.

Hos 4

[45] Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to KISS my FEET.

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[13] Therefore I will shake the Heavens, and the Earth shall remove out of her place, in the wrath of the LORD of hosts, and in the day of his fierce anger.

[14] And it shall be as the chased roe, and as a sheep that no man taketh up: they shall every man turn to his own people, and flee every one into his own land.

Gen 24

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[5] Behold, I am against thee, saith the LORD of hosts; and I will DISCOVER thy SKIRTS upon thy face, and I will shew the nations thy nakedness, and the kingdoms thy shame.

Jer 8

[15] Every one that is found shall be thrust through; and every one that is joined unto them shall fall by the sword.

What are some life hacks for living on your own?

[16] Their children also shall be DASHED to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their WIVES ravished.

Isa 13

Joel 3

What is the irony of life according to you?

[1] O that thou wert as my brother, that SUCKED the breasts of my mother: when I should find thee without, I would kiss thee; yea, I should not be despised.

Lk 7

Nah 3

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Apart from parable (Song 8:1, Nah 3:5, etc), in reality:

[10] Therefore will I GIVE their WIVES unto others, and their fields to them that shall inherit them: for every one from the least even unto the greatest is given to covetousness, from the prophet even unto the priest every one dealeth falsely.

Song 8

Its year 2041, and president Hunter Biden has ordered every republican who sweared at him to be arrested and shot. I am on my way to the death row listening to the cheer of the Liberal mob chanting death death death. How can I escape?